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Preamble

Yeah, yeah, that's a play on Stephen King's novel, Needful Things. Not a particularly clever one, either, I must admit. So sue me. ^_^

Right, so ... this will be an intermittent "RantBlog" about behaviors, features, and so on that I absolutely hate, and/or that irk and irritate me to the point of deciding to go play something else. It may or may not be restricted to Alien Swarm, but I'll at least try to make AS the majority player. ^_^

This installment's subject: players afflicted by Hyperactive Stupidity Disorder (HSD).

I hate them. Truly, seriously hate them.

HSD has many expressions, but the two most common ones are Run-run-run. go-go-go, HEY WHERE ARE YOU GUYS ... and OMG the wall moved! BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM ...!!.

Or, in less amusingly-odd terms: Teamwork /Fail and Walking FF Bomb.

Teamwork /Fail

These are the idiots who don't understand that the game is cooperative.

It's not a race to see who gets to the end first. People who try to play this way generally only get themselves, and possibly their team-mates, killed. They trigger multiple spawn events that dump multiple hordes of Swarm on their own heads, and when they (inevitably) die, the combiend Swarm "mega-horde" comes looking for the rest of the team. All at once. Gee, thanks, lackwit. We really WANTED to all die pointlessly ... how'd you know?

It's not a competition to see who gets more kills. Pay attention to your own sector, dammit, and stop trying to shoot aliens when I'm between you and the alien! Bullets hurt, thank-you-very-goddamned-much. Don't say "oops", don't say "sorry", just don't do it again, dammit.

It is a cooperative game where every player should try and work towards group success. Sure, individual players can sometimes pull off amazing things (I once helped talk one kid, he must have been 13 or 14 years old by the sound of his voice, through the last ¼ of the Residential Sector map after the other three of us died ... and then watched in slack-jawed amazement as the boy managed to SOLO the combat finale, with no autoguns, grenades, or traps. Damned amazing show, that!) - but that doesn't mean you should constantly be trying to pull off a solo-super-move. Keep it in your pants, and keep your eyes on the ball, people! Save your secret bottle of Awesomesauce for when you have to use it!

Walking FF Bomb (and his cousin, the "FF Magnet Masochist")

Somewhat related to Teamwork /Fail, these are the morons who don't understand that bullets don't pass harmlessly through. Either they try to shoot aliens on the other side of you - or they constantly step right in their team-mates' line of fire (I've had people do this while I was at full rock-and-roll, hosing down a cluster of eight or ten Swarm, with an Autogun. Idiots.)

If you don't have a target, don't pull the frelling trigger! No, the wall did not move. No, that box did not just try to attack me. No, there are NO "invisible Swarm" and there for you do not need to send ten or twenty rounds across a room "just in case".

If you don't have a clear line of fire, don't pull the frelling trigger! Yes, your fellow marines will stop your bullets short of the Swarm. No, they won't be happy about it. So stop doing it, already!

If someone else is already shooting at a Swarm, don't step in front of them! Yes, you will stop their bullets. Yes, it will hurt your marine. No, they won't be happy that you "saved" them. So stop doing it, already!

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